Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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