I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
