im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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