my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
