marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize