In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Randomize
