I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
