I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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