I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
