My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
