why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
