Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
