Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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