wanna go halves on a baby?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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