there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
