i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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