I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
