I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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