Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
