the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
