No awkward lesbian experiences without me
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
