At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
