Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
