Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
