we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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