i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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