her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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