Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
