Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
