I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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