I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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