He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My feet surprised me
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
