i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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