When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
