i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
