she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
