it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
