I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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