Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize