never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
