My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
