mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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