we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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