No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
why does every cop we meet know your name?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize