Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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