Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
