my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize