Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
