Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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