they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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