Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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