So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
