I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize