You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
