I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Randomize
