Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
