Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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