the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
