I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
