i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
We named our party play list daddy issues
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
