whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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