Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
