the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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