oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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