I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
