Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
