I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
