If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
