It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
