If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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