I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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