Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
