If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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