How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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